Promises Part 3: Scared to Death

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
 Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,In this I will be confident. (Psalm 27:1-3)


You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you. (Deuteronomy 3:22)


Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.  But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:6-11)



When I was younger (and truthfully not much younger) I had a really difficult time with the Old Testament.  I liked the Sunday School stories and some of the images were fun to concoct in my imagination. I'd think about what it would be like to be on a single boat with both snakes and mice, both hawks and rabbits.  I'd wonder how tall Goliath really was.  My favorite was always the parting of the Red Sea.  I'd close my eyes and picture walking through the middle of two walls of water so high above my head that I couldn't see the sky.  I'd pretend to run my hand along the water and then worry that I might knock it down.  Even with all that fun however, the Old Testament always seemed so separate; so foreign.  I didn't see how verses and stories could relate to me because I wasn't likely to be in a war with swords and spears being thrown around me, and that seemed to be an element of almost all the stories I heard.  It has only been recently that God has started to whisper truths to my heart that I find while reading the Old Testament. 

One of my little cousins who I have been living with has a knack for asking "what if" questions.  She can take any normal situation and move it to an absurd place far from reality just to ask you what you would do if that were the case.  I don't normally answer these questions, I simply tell her that I don't play the game of "what ifs"; I like to deal with what is happening right now and not worry about something made up. Well, I was thinking about that answer and I realized, that isn't exactly true.

 Every one of us worries about something; or some things.  We are all afraid even though we hate that word.  Afraid.  Scaredy-cat. Worrywart. Chicken.  These terms are demeaning and make us seem weak and insecure so we deny them, but if we're honest, we all let fear seep into the cracks of our lives.  I used to say I wasn't afraid of anything because I liked spiders and heights didn't bother me and I learned to love the dark and that basically covered the main fears.  Of course this was when I was in high school and was confident that I'd graduate, go straight to college, get a fabulous job, fall in love and get married, and let life work out just for me.  Since then, I've discovered, I get scared; I play the "what if" game in my head. What if I get to be another year older and still nothing has changed? What if someone else asks me what I'm doing with my life and I don't have a good answer? What if they think less of me? What if they forget me? What if I had stayed? What if I fall to that same temptation again? What if that voice in my head that beats me up never goes away? What if he had loved me? What if I were more lovable? What if I'm not lovable? What if this is it?

Those are real questions that I just climbed up into the attic of my mind to retrieve.  I wasn't planning on doing this, but why don't you take just a second to do that yourself.  Grab a pen and a piece of paper and think about the "what ifs" that haunt you without you even realizing it.  It's okay, I'll wait...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jj0ChLVTpaA


Ready? Were you surprised by what you found? Maybe... or maybe you knew what was waiting there.  What if I never get married? What if I get divorced? What if that relationship never gets mended? What if I get sick? What if lose my job?  What if I can't afford my car? What if someone I love gets cancer?  What if someone I love dies? What if he leaves me? What if I never find a friend I can trust?  What if I never learn to forgive him?  What if she never forgives me? What if I never reach my dreams?

These thoughts that take up space in our heads can do far more damage than we realize.  We become a different version of ourselves when the fears we hate come out of hiding.  Confidences are shaken and insecurities take over.  Patience is gone, because what if we don't have time?! Instead we are short and annoyed.  Generosity must leave to make way for stinginess and selfishness. Love becomes conditional and temporary instead of abundant and wholehearted.  We cast off the Fruits of the Spirit and reap the Fruits of Fear.  The greatest tragedy is that when we are ruled by fear we lose our witness.  We lose the opportunity to be an example to those who do not know the saving truth that we carry.  1 Peter 3:15 tells us to be ready whenever anyone asks a reason for the hope that is within us but how will anyone ever ask if hope has been replaced by despair, anger, loneliness, bitterness?  The God of all Grace and has called us to eternal glory in Christ Jesus! Where is our hope?

Do you know what I have come to love most about the Old Testament? God speaking to His people.  Sometimes He sent a messenger, sometimes He spoke to one and told them to tell the others, sometimes it's not clear if He whispered in someone's ear or just opened up the sky and shouted everything to everyone.  I don't understand a lot of things and this is one of them and yet I am drawn to a God with a personality who is not just observing His world and His people but is in every moment of their lives telling them the foundations to build their lives on and to pass down to their children's children's children.  One of those foundations I think is written on nearly every page of scripture: DO NOT FEAR. That is more than a suggestion; it's a command.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

It is easy to say to a friend, "don't worry about it." It's easy to look from the outside in and tell others to be brave.  But when the voice in your head sends a message to your heart and all of a sudden you are surrounded by the uncertainties you run from, how helpful does it seem to hear these same words?  Is fear as crippling for you as it is for me?

I tell my sweet little cousin I don't answer "what ifs." Well, what if I did?

Or better yet, what if I found my answer from the God of all Grace?



What if I am alone?

Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:11)

What if they hurt me or turn on me?  What if they have power over me and they abuse it?

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)

What if I fail?  What if I'm not strong enough and I give in to the pressure?

You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you. (Deuteronomy 3:22)

Oh! How I love that verse.  The Lord, yes the Lord your God, yes the Lord your God HIMSELF fights for you! He battles for you.  He goes up against your enemies, He takes on your demons and He does it for you! And not only that...

And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.  And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world. (1 John 2:1b-2) (**not to change the subject, but this verse alone sort of kicks Calvinism in the teeth.)

Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them. (Hebrews 7:25)

Jesus Christ, the Son of God who lived a perfect life and died our death and took the punishment for our sins and then conquered death by rising from the grave and leaving no room for fear and then ascending into Heaven where He will one day take us to live for all eternity is advocating and interceding on our behalf.  Can you fathom that? Can you just let that sink in.  He is God.  And He is on your side.  He is on my side. Whom shall I fear?

I have forever carried with me what I was told by my "second dad" if you will (not that I need another one), on a mission trip to the Philippines. When discussing what things could happen he asked us, "What is so scary about that? All they can do is take your life... and they can't even do that unless God has appointed this to be your time to die.  If now is your time to die then no doctor, no medicine, nothing is going to give you another second of life and if it is not your time to die, no man (or disease or catastrophe or accident) on this planet can touch you."

Whom shall I fear?

The namesake of this blog comes from Matthew 6:25-34.  Christ is speaking there and He is compelling His followers to put away worry and anxiety and stress and instead trust a God who takes care of lilies and sparrows because you better believe that He loves you more than either of those things.  You are His child! His precious child.

We all have fears, but it is a choice to live in them.  If we continue to be swayed by worries we will come to the end of our lives without having been a witness for Jesus Christ and we will have hindered others from seeing Him in our lives. We can never be separated from Him, He is with us always, no one can touch us outside of His plan, what others mean for evil He means for good.  This promises series started because I wanted to preach God's promises to my soul.  There could be no better practice than this.  Your fears may not disappear and it may be a battle you will continually fight with yourself, but you are not fighting alone and your team mate has never lost a fight.  And guess what? He never will.  I promise (but don't take my word for it.)



What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.  Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?  As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.   For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,  nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 31-39)

Additional verses:

http://www.intouch.org/resources/gods-promises/Content.aspx?topic=2117

 

Promises Part 1: I Just Want To Know Something

This new beginning hasn't been easy. Uprooting, moving, finding myself in a place where I know no one. More than the details though, the voices in my head have been haunting me with a word: Again. I am starting over, again. I am alone, again. I'm trying somewhere new, again. Then another word is whispered: Still. I still don't know what to do with my life. I still don't have a plan. I'm still alone. I'm still confused. The panicked questions follow: Why do I always find myself in this same position? How long am I going to be confused? Am I ever going to figure out what to do with my life? Do I even have a purpose here? Have I missed it?

These voices and these questions are why I am up long after the sounds of Roseburg have quieted and the lights of this little town have faded for the night. These are the moments when I can't sleep and so I just sit on the couch and talk. Sometimes I talk to no one; sometimes I talk to God. Talking seems to calm me, especially when I don't worry about being interrupted. I think my fond memories of performing on stage cause me to want to feel like these moments are scripted; this is just the scene where my character is going through a bad time; but the happy ending is coming. My character has had quite a few of these scenes lately.

When I'm sitting on the couch, talking to God, I don't normally start off with the adoration I probably should. When I'm on the couch, I'm having a conversation with my daddy. I normally have the Lord's Prayer going through my mind and I just take a piece of it and say it my own way.

Our Father... Oh, daddy.

Hallowed be your name... You are good and powerful and strong. And I am so not.

Your will be done...

This part gets the tears out a bit. Because when I'm sitting on the couch, I don't want to say things I don't mean. So when I say, "I know you have a plan for me", I stop and wonder if I actually believe what I just said. When I say, "I want my life to honor you, so whatever will do that the best, Lord, may it be", I ask myself if I'm actually okay with that. Does He have something for me? I mean, I'm starting over again, right? I'm alone again, right? I'm still confused, right? If this is the life He has for me, am I really okay with that?

A few more tears, a couple of silent minutes and I'm ready to be honest. "Lord, I just want to know something. I don't need every answer, I don't need to figure everything out. I just want to know something."

Silence.
---

During the last few months, my idle moments, when I'm not sitting on the couch in the middle of the night, have been filled with thoughts of promises. In the quiet moments that word comes into my mind. Promises. In sweet, well-meaning, Christian circles we are told to claim the promises of God. Normally that means we'll take a verse in Jeremiah out of its context and convince ourselves that it means that God will provide a husband even more handsome than we could imagine, a house even more beautiful than we've dreamed up, a job even more perfect than we could ask for, and a life that we will look back on and smile. Sometimes I think it would be easier to write off any bad feelings with this verse, but my earthly daddy has taught me better than that. This book, these stories, they are not meant for me to take one or two happy verses from and expect an easy life. The Bible is not for me to read about my life, it's for me to learn about my God; to learn about my loving, powerful, never-changing, Heavenly Father.

I love reading about the life of Abraham. When I was younger I never would have thought that Abraham's would be the life I would have the most in common with, but I feel like I know a little bit how it felt when God said to Abraham, "Go and I'll show you the rest later."

Get out of your country, from your family and from your father's house, to a land that I will show you. I will make you a great nation; I will bless you and make your name great; and you shall be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you and I will curse him who curses you and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed. (Genesis 12:1-3)

Abraham sure got a heap of promises, but I can't say that he was given easy charge. Just go, I'll take care of the rest. Really?

So Abram departed as the Lord had spoken to him... (Genesis 12:4)

Could I do that? Do I realize that by begging God to tell me something, He could tell me to do that? I love that Abraham was so quick to believe. I love to read about his beautiful faith. However, I also love to read about his mistakes. The same man who jumped when God said jump, forgot his faith time and time again and even sold out his wife when he saw a problem that he didn't think God could handle. It would make perfect sense in our earthly minds if God were to cast Abraham away and find somebody else who He would use to bless "all the families of the earth." But the opposite happens:

Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward. (Genesis 15:1)

Here is the place where that typical religious speak normally goes. What does Abram say?

Lord GOD, what will You give me, seeing I go childless. (Genesis 15:2)

Honesty. I think this is the moment when Abram just sits on the couch with God. You see a few chapters back, God had promised Abraham a child- because it was through this child that God was going to carry on Abraham's line and carry out the blessing on every other person. And now Abraham is talking with God, he is hearing his promises and he offers God the truth of what is in his heart. His address to God says, "I know you are sovereign and I know you are powerful- but the truth is, I want a son and I don't have one and I just don't see how you are going to do what you said if I do have a son."

"God, I know you are holy, I know you are perfect- but God, I just don't know if you are ever going to help me figure out my life."

Then He (God) brought him outside and said, "Look now toward heaven, and count the stars if you are able to number them." And He said to him, "so shall your descendents be." (Genesis 15:5)

Now I could take this verse and claim it for my life and say that God is going to grant me with thousands of children, but frankly I don't want to do that, and seriously that's not the point. God draws Abraham's attention to His creation; to the world that He made and that He controls with His hand. Basically what God says to Abraham is, "Look at what I can do. Can I not give you a son, even after all this time?"

Now it's a cloudy night here in Oregon and I can't see too many stars. I can however, feel the cool night air on my face. I can here the many critters of the night providing nature's soundtrack. In the distance I can see the dark outline of the mountains that make me marvel during the day.

Look at what I can do. Can I not ______________, even after all this time?

And he believed in the Lord, and He (God) accounted it to him (Abram) for righteousness." (Genesis 15:6)

This verse is the gospel. Abram believed. God reconciled him. Abram was not saved by obedience or good works. He honestly came to God with his brokeness and he didn't understand everything and he didn't know how things were going to play out, but he trusted his God and believed what He said. Whether we meet God as a child or long, long after that, this is what matters. No amount of any goodness can reconcile us to our Heavenly Father. God's grace saved Abram because of his humble and honest faith.

Now I'm almost done, and I'm quite tired, but this is my favorite part.

And it came to pass, when the Sun went down and it was dark, that behold there appeared a smoking oven and a burning torch that passed between those pieces. (Genesis15:17)

In this day, to make a covenant, to make a solemn agreement, two people performed a ceremony called "passing through the pieces". An animal would be cut in two and put on either side of the path and this was a picture for each one entering the agreement. By walking through they were saying, " may I become like this if I do not keep my part of the deal." But in the story of Abraham we see something different. When it was time for both parties to walk through the pieces what we see instead is smoke and fire. Smoke and fire is always used in Scripture to signify the presence of God. God alone passed through the pieces; God alone took the responsibility for this covenant. By doing so He said: If I violate you, may I be ripped in two, and if you violate me, may I be ripped in two.

He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon him, and by His stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

Did God keep his end of the deal? Absolutely. He gave Abraham his son, and through that son He blessed and blesses every single person on the earth. How? Thousands of years down Abraham's line was born the one who could reconcile us back to God: His only Son Jesus. Do we keep up our end of the deal? No. Do we always trust God? No. But we are not called on to pay a debt. God allowed himself to be ripped apart; to have his son die on a cross; to pay the debt that we could not. To reconcile us and to fulfill his promise.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go or what purpose my life has. But I have a God who says He loves me and is committed to me and asks nothing from me but that I come to Him honest and that I trust Him to do the rest. I'm going to mess up again. I'm going to hear the voices in my head and start to panic. But when Christ took my sin on himself He bridged the gap and now I can sit on the couch and say, "daddy, I know you are good, but please just tell me something."

Tonight He reminded me of the only something that I need to remember.

I think I'll be able to sleep now.

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus and if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. (Galatians 3:26-29)