Now I Think I Know, Steve

September 2013 has come and gone. We did it; we made it through.  Were you holding you breath? I know some of us were. 

September 8, 2012, my uncle Steve died suddenly while out for a bike ride.  Four days before that, my dad's close friend and his sixteen-year-old daughter were killed in a motorcycle accident.  September 11th brings with it each year the pain and memories of that chilling day.  The following week mayhem and unkindness broke out at my father's church in Texas.  September 2012 felt like the month that would never end.  This time around, I braced myself.  The end of this month brings a little relief, although I know that tragedy can hit anytime. This post however, is a happy one, in some ways.  I don't want to look back and cry, I want to remember what made me smile.

In my last post I wrote about the joy in knowing that I will see my saved loved ones again in heaven one day.  Never has that meant more to me than when my uncle Steve passed away. I wasn't prepared for that phone call or the following week when it felt like a hole had been cut in my chest.  The trip to Oregon to be with my family and the memorial service celebrating his life helped to fill that hole and the year that has passed has also brought healing.  About a month ago, however, I walked into my uncle's old house, believing I'd be there for the foreseeable future, and his presence was in everything.  For the first few days I cried every time another memory of him was uncovered, whether by a shirt or a cap or a note in a book.  I started feeling like he was there in a way, and I'd find myself talking to him; just telling him how much I missed him and what I'd give to have him back again.  The pain was present each day, but the hope covered that sorrow at night. 

Steve was the funniest person I've ever known.  He annoyed me at times, he infuriated me on occasion, but never did he lose the ability to make me laugh.  Even in death, he is survived by his stories and the memories we Congdons all hold of his more outrageous moments that will continue bring us laughter.  He was unmarried and a bachelor to the core (his house is evidence of that).  To his nieces and nephews he was Uncle Steve and Knuckle Rodney.  When last counted he had 9 celebrity girlfriends and he loved house chores ("save the dishes for me"... right.) I know that each of us will have one thing that reminds us of him the most; I know that for me, nothing will ever constrict my heart and bring his face to my mind and his voice to my ears than the song, Vincent.  Written by Don McClean, this brilliant song celebrates the life and works of Vincent van Gogh, in particular his most famous painting, Starry Night.

 How does this make me think of Steve? When I was in my young teens (amazing that that was ten years ago! It feels like it just passed) I had an infatuation (that is slightly better than obsession, right?) with Josh Groban.  He covered this song quite flawlessly and it was one of my favorites back in the day.  I used to close my eyes and hear his mellifluous voice swim out of the stereo and dance around me as my mind envisioned that work of art being created before me.  It was so tragic and romantic, which I thought was perfect.  I still love that song, but it has been many years since I have thought of it with such adolescent fluff; in fact now, it simply makes me laugh. Sometime during this time of infatuation, Steve came to visit us.  All who knew Steve would attest to the fact that he NEVER missed an opportunity to poke fun at someone; especially someone he could get a reaction from.  Well, drama queen Bekah was a perfect candidate.  When he heard this song playing (for the fifth or sixth time... that day) he let out, in a rolling voice, drowning out Mr. Groban's, "STARRY, STARRY NIIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTTT...." And I heard that, and nothing much else for the rest of his visit.  I am convinced that he didn't know another single word of that song, but he had heard those three words enough and had confidence in his mock Groban-esque voice to belt that phrase out anytime I might walk through the room.  He couldn't miss me either because I was so angry with him, I'm sure my face was fire red each time I saw him.  "STARRY, STARRY NIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTT!!!!!" I could hear it even when he wasn't saying it.  Thankfully, years later, I was over it and it remained a steady joke between the two of us (after I forgave him) and though 14-year-old me was unimpressed, I am happy to hold this memory. When I see him again-- because I know I will-- I expect that will be the first thing he says to me.  I wouldn't want it to be anything else.

Love you, Steve. Miss you. Be good and we'll see you soon.

Promises Part 2: Homesick

Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world. But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. (Galatians 4:3-5)


For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. (Romans 8:15-17)




For those who do not know, I have been in Australia for the past two weeks (and I am sorry for the delay in posting).  I am staying with my lovely cousins and their four children for the next three months.  The offer to come here and the decision to come and arriving here all happened so very quickly that I have spent the last three weeks in a violent whirlpool and I have only now gotten to a calm where I can find the words on my heart and in my head to write.  I am still not sure if they will be clear and understandable, but I shall do my best. 
One thing that I did not spend much time considering before jetting off to Australia was if I would miss my family or my home.  This may seem odd, but understand that this is by no means my first time jumping on a plane alone and hoping for the best on the other side.  Before coming here I had been in Roseburg, Oregon for three weeks, alone, and was just trying to make that work.  Two years ago, shortly after turning 21, I packed all my belongings into two suitcases and moved to Chicago where, with the emotional support of a couple great friends and members of my extended family, I carved out a little life for myself for the time that I was there.  Even before that I ventured to the Philippines to work at an orphanage for three months.  So, it is evident, that I have had a little experience at going it alone.  Well, alone to a certain extent.  
I have been asked a time or two since arriving here if I miss my family or if I am going to get homesick.  These questions don't have an obvious answer for me.  I miss my family every day, but it isn't an ache that I can't endure.  My whole life I have lived half a world away from the country I am now in, and all that time my mom's family was here and I missed them.  I have often described my heart as a puzzle.  When you go somewhere you haven't been for a long time and see people that you have been missing, it's like finding a piece of your heart that has been missing and feeling it click back into place again.  It's wonderful; you feel complete! Until you realize that you had to leave another piece in the place you just left.  At first you don't miss that piece too much, but over time the hole becomes more and more apparent and you once again feel incomplete.  I think Heaven is what it feels like to have all of the pieces of you heart put back together. Forever. 
I know there will be times that I miss my family more than others.  My dad's birthday will happen while I am here.  And then Thanksgiving, my very favorite holiday, will come and go without me for the first time.  My first niece was born last April and as I see pictures and videos of her getting bigger and becoming a little child I will feel a twinge and long to hold her again.  However, I don't see these things as hurdles I cannot overcome.  There may be some sad days, a few tears, but overall, I know I can manage.  I remember the one time that I really had deep aches of homesickness.  I had been in the Philippines for only a couple of days.  It was my youngest brother's 7th birthday, so I bought a phone card and called home.  I had already hit a few walls and begun to wonder if I had gotten myself into something I wasn't prepared for.  Well, when I heard my mom's voice on the other end of the phone, I had my answer.  I immediately burst into tears and desperately tried to cover the phone so she couldn't hear.  I finally pulled myself together and said hello after about 15 seconds, pretending that I had a bad connection.  At that moment I realized that I had willingly gone out into the jungle in a third world country, choosing not to see my mom for three months, and I was not prepared.  I didn't even speak to my little brother because I knew if I heard his voice I wouldn't make it through the day, not to mention the next twelve weeks.  As time went on it got easier.  I found things to fill up my days and knew that every moment brought me closer to being home again.  It took a major attitude change on my part, however, to actually be able to enjoy the trip, and not just survive it.  Through time and heartache and tears God showed me why He had brought me there (since it really WAS Him and not I who put me in that place).  In one of my many tearful morning quiet times I looked out at the same majestic view I did every day, and with tears streaming down my face and Tenth Avenue North's "Beloved" playing in my ears, I realized my purpose in being there.  Though I ached and felt broken and beat up, there was something within me that never felt more whole or more fulfilled than it did at that moment; because it was that very pain and that very homesickness that lead me everyday to that same spot to cry out to my Lord.  Never before had I been more honest with Him.  Never before did I spend more time with Him.  It was in my pain that I truly got to know my Savior and so in it I found joy;  I found peace.  Still sobbing, I heard Paul's words from James ring in my ears: "Consider it joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials of many kinds; for you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  I finally knew what that meant.  I knew then and I believe it now that without the pain that caused me to cry out to God, I would not have been successful on that trip, and I would not have had the security to attempt any further adventures that came along.  I am still so grateful for those dark days.
Now that experience began strengthening my relationship with Christ, and although there is nothing more important, the Bible is quite clear that we were never meant to live this life alone, and I know very, very well the need for physical and tangible love and support through difficulties.  I am so blessed to come from a family that I know I can go to for love, support, affirmation, encouragement, and no fear of unkind judgement or negativity.  I know that that is an increasingly rare gift and so I am even more thankful for them than I can say. There are some times when you just need your mom to be there and many days all I really want is my brothers and sisters and a Mystery Science Theatre 3000.  When I encounter a theological discussion I so want my dad around so we can debrief and he can help me understand things I don't quite get.  My family is my treasure.  And yet, I have one thing that is even better than my earthly family: knowing that they are part of my eternal family as well.  The freedom in knowing that this wonderful family unit that God has stitched together will actually get to be together in Heaven for eternity is inexpressible.  In the last year I have had to become acquainted with losing family and friends to death and that produces a deep, scarring pain; but there is no balm sweeter than knowing I will see them again.  It is losing a love than does not hold Christ in their heart that scares me so much more than death itself.  Because of Christ though, and each of our own decisions to trust in Him, that I can rejoice in knowing that this life is not the end; this short time apart is nothing when the full picture is in view.  
There is a wonderful hymn by Thomas Chisholm, Great Is Thy Faithfulness, that says of God's faithfulness to us:

"Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!" 

Well, this is when I start feeling the ten thousand beside.  On top of giving me a wonderful family and the assurance that they and I will one day sing His praises in glory together, He has chosen to give me something more.  No matter where I am; whether down under or in the jungle or in the wild unknown of downtown Chicago, I have a family.  

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. (Ephesians 1: 3-6)

Every time I read this glorious sentence I feel like my soul will burst out of my body. How good is this! (Note: this is not going to be a discussion on predestination and election... another time, another place.)  "Just as He chose US... that WE should be holy... predestined US to adoption as sons... He made US accepted in the Beloved!" I was not saved by grace through faith to then toil alone and keep my worries between me and God;  I was adopted into a family of believers in Jesus Christ who have also felt the weight of their sin carried away by His saving grace.  And this isn't just a family of white, middle-class Americans (thank the LORD!) Any human being on this crazy little planet that believes that they have a sin-sick soul and that Christ is their only way to redemption is brought into this large, forgiven, no doubt dysfunctional family.  I never felt this more perfectly than earlier this year when I was given the immense privilege to travel to Nepal.  I have been on several missions trips that all affected me, but none grabbed my heart quite like this one.  Although I was far from my family and friends and without the majority of western comforts and believed necessities, I couldn't escape the feeling that I was home.  I felt so completely at home.  Why?  I was with members of my eternal family who claimed Christ as the Lord of their life; people who loved me before they even knew me because they truly understood how God intended His church, His bride, to function.  Also, we shared a desire to use our time on this earth to end the bondage of young girls sold into sex slavery.  We shared a Savior and we shared a desire to make Him known; that is home for me.  I remember my sweet roommate and I joking (kind of) about "misplacing" our passports so we would have to stay.  I even dreaded returning to Chicago.  I had (and still have) wonderful Christian friends in Chicago, including a group of girls that God allowed me to be a part of who blessed my soul every time we met.  There was a genuine desire to know God more within our group and it was a blessing to journey with them.  But the day to day life: my job, the people on the street, the friends who didn't care about God, the stresses of city life, the first world problems, those were the things I dreaded returning to.  Every moment in Nepal felt useful.  For that week we were a family that had eternity on our minds and we couldn't have been more ready to take on the forces of evil together.  That may sound cheesy, but if so you need to get yourself out of America (or Australia) and find a place where you can work with fellow Christians on a cause that God has put on your heart.  When you feel the Spirit of God moving over a land there is no mistaking it, and we felt in in Nepal.  In our first world lives it is so very easy to put aside our eternal purposes and focus only on adding comfort and security to our temporary lives.  If that is you, trust me, you don't know what you are missing.  I know, because that is me too.  More than anything I was afraid of returning to home and forgetting how I felt when I was working with my Nepali family.  It's far too easy for us to cover up injustices, to steer away from deeper and more difficult topics and just stick to safe conversations; even with our Christian friends! We encounter fellow children of God constantly and yet we chose not to take advantage of the gift we have in them.  

This is my last story (I promise).  The other day while my cousins were out I accidentally broke something.  It wasn't terribly drastic, however I knew it was meaningful to them and breaking something of someone else's is never good so, initially, I panicked.  I worried how to tell them and if I had just done something that was beyond forgiveness (yes, I'm a a tad dramatic).  Then, I just started reminding myself:  my lovely, wonderful cousins who have welcomed me into their home and taken care of me are not only part of my earthly family, they're part of my eternal family, too.  They claim Christ as their Saviour (I added the 'u' for them) and they have put their faith and their security in Him.  They have received the same promises, the same commands, the same grace as I have.  There is nothing more encouraging than knowing that someone you may be in conflict with loves Jesus.  Now even we who love Him do not always act or react like we should, but still there is freedom in knowing that in the heart of every believer in Jesus Christ, His Spirit is there to guide and direct our ways.  In Christ, we are free to love and trust our brothers and sisters because He has, and continues to change our hearts to be more like His. 

In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. (John 14:2)

He is preparing a place for us.  He is preparing a place for me; a place where my America-shaped puzzle piece and my Australia-shaped puzzle piece and my Philippines-shaped puzzle piece and all the other little pieces of my heart fit together perfectly and my eternal family and I will never again have to wonder where our home really is.  Even when we find ourselves here on earth, in a community of believers, working together for a just cause, hoping to bring glory and honor to our heavenly Father, even then there is homesickness.  Until we are in that place prepared for us, we are all homesick whether we acknowledge it or not.  So while I may miss my family, while I may long for something American from time to time, I know that no earthly reunion will ever compare to having my family, my whole family, together in that place specially made for us by our creator who loves us, gave His son for us and adopted us as His children.  Blessings all OURS with ten thousand beside.  

"You're So Far Away..."

"...Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?"

Oh, wait, that's just me who keeps moving.
---

Alright, I know I need to explain some things to those with whom I haven't had a chance to catch up; and frankly that is most of you since I've only had about five days to process this new turn of events. In case you haven't heard anything yet, let me bring you to speed. I am writing this from LAX where I will be boarding a plane is a few hours that will take me to Sydney, Australia! Those of you who were looking forward to pictures and posts from the Pacific Northwest, put that on hold and get ready for sights from the other side of the globe.
Okay, so to back up (but only a little- I'll keep this brief) to a week ago today, I got a Skype call from a couple of my lovely Aussie cousins. I thought this was just a catch up call, but they had an agenda. After a minute or two of chit chat they presented me with an opportunity: let us bring you to Australia for the next three months and you can help us with our kids and our busiest time of year AND spend some time with your much beloved family. Those of you who spoke to me between last Tuesday and Thursday know the difficulty I had in landing on a decision. I'm not going to revisit all of the emotions or stresses I struggled with or the pro/con lists that are still lying around the now empty house in Roseburg; and all of you who think this was a no-brainer, easy-breasy choice, I'll deal with you later; but as is quite clear by now, I landed on yes. I'm on my way to Australia!

My best friend and I have long appreciated a Yiddish proverb that says, when translated, "Man Plans, God Laughs." I think this must now be my life's motto. In no way was I prepared for this switch up. It's not like I had planned my life out or anything, but I was just happy to know exactly where I was going to be for the rest of the year: EEHHH! WRONG! No matter how many times my plans change I still keep thinking that I can be ready for the next step and I can plan my path... When will I learn?

Even without that sweet, little phrase, the truth of it is clear in scripture:

Psalms 33:10
The Lord brings the counsel of the nations to nothing; He makes the plans of the peoples of no effect.

So often I find myself trying to drown out outside voices and just go with my gut, follow my heart, or do what's right for me. This verse should remind me that that means pretty much nothing. I claim Jesus Christ as my Savior and the sovereign ruler of my LIFE; curveballs and change-ups included (check out that baseball metaphor!) If I trust Him, Proverbs 3 tells me He will direct my paths. So here we go! No, I still don't know what's going on, no I still don't have a plan, but really, why bother? I'm following the leader. I'm doing the best that I can and I'm going one day, one moment, one step at a time.

On the first leg of this trip I was gazing out the little window of the plane, watching the sunset and subconsciously planning my future. When I realized this, I had to laugh. I know God is laughing too.

Laugh along with us! Follow this blog, this trip and wherever this life takes me next!

Change of plans

No, seriously. I am.

O_O

Promises Part 1: I Just Want To Know Something

This new beginning hasn't been easy. Uprooting, moving, finding myself in a place where I know no one. More than the details though, the voices in my head have been haunting me with a word: Again. I am starting over, again. I am alone, again. I'm trying somewhere new, again. Then another word is whispered: Still. I still don't know what to do with my life. I still don't have a plan. I'm still alone. I'm still confused. The panicked questions follow: Why do I always find myself in this same position? How long am I going to be confused? Am I ever going to figure out what to do with my life? Do I even have a purpose here? Have I missed it?

These voices and these questions are why I am up long after the sounds of Roseburg have quieted and the lights of this little town have faded for the night. These are the moments when I can't sleep and so I just sit on the couch and talk. Sometimes I talk to no one; sometimes I talk to God. Talking seems to calm me, especially when I don't worry about being interrupted. I think my fond memories of performing on stage cause me to want to feel like these moments are scripted; this is just the scene where my character is going through a bad time; but the happy ending is coming. My character has had quite a few of these scenes lately.

When I'm sitting on the couch, talking to God, I don't normally start off with the adoration I probably should. When I'm on the couch, I'm having a conversation with my daddy. I normally have the Lord's Prayer going through my mind and I just take a piece of it and say it my own way.

Our Father... Oh, daddy.

Hallowed be your name... You are good and powerful and strong. And I am so not.

Your will be done...

This part gets the tears out a bit. Because when I'm sitting on the couch, I don't want to say things I don't mean. So when I say, "I know you have a plan for me", I stop and wonder if I actually believe what I just said. When I say, "I want my life to honor you, so whatever will do that the best, Lord, may it be", I ask myself if I'm actually okay with that. Does He have something for me? I mean, I'm starting over again, right? I'm alone again, right? I'm still confused, right? If this is the life He has for me, am I really okay with that?

A few more tears, a couple of silent minutes and I'm ready to be honest. "Lord, I just want to know something. I don't need every answer, I don't need to figure everything out. I just want to know something."

Silence.
---

During the last few months, my idle moments, when I'm not sitting on the couch in the middle of the night, have been filled with thoughts of promises. In the quiet moments that word comes into my mind. Promises. In sweet, well-meaning, Christian circles we are told to claim the promises of God. Normally that means we'll take a verse in Jeremiah out of its context and convince ourselves that it means that God will provide a husband even more handsome than we could imagine, a house even more beautiful than we've dreamed up, a job even more perfect than we could ask for, and a life that we will look back on and smile. Sometimes I think it would be easier to write off any bad feelings with this verse, but my earthly daddy has taught me better than that. This book, these stories, they are not meant for me to take one or two happy verses from and expect an easy life. The Bible is not for me to read about my life, it's for me to learn about my God; to learn about my loving, powerful, never-changing, Heavenly Father.

I love reading about the life of Abraham. When I was younger I never would have thought that Abraham's would be the life I would have the most in common with, but I feel like I know a little bit how it felt when God said to Abraham, "Go and I'll show you the rest later."

Get out of your country, from your family and from your father's house, to a land that I will show you. I will make you a great nation; I will bless you and make your name great; and you shall be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you and I will curse him who curses you and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed. (Genesis 12:1-3)

Abraham sure got a heap of promises, but I can't say that he was given easy charge. Just go, I'll take care of the rest. Really?

So Abram departed as the Lord had spoken to him... (Genesis 12:4)

Could I do that? Do I realize that by begging God to tell me something, He could tell me to do that? I love that Abraham was so quick to believe. I love to read about his beautiful faith. However, I also love to read about his mistakes. The same man who jumped when God said jump, forgot his faith time and time again and even sold out his wife when he saw a problem that he didn't think God could handle. It would make perfect sense in our earthly minds if God were to cast Abraham away and find somebody else who He would use to bless "all the families of the earth." But the opposite happens:

Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward. (Genesis 15:1)

Here is the place where that typical religious speak normally goes. What does Abram say?

Lord GOD, what will You give me, seeing I go childless. (Genesis 15:2)

Honesty. I think this is the moment when Abram just sits on the couch with God. You see a few chapters back, God had promised Abraham a child- because it was through this child that God was going to carry on Abraham's line and carry out the blessing on every other person. And now Abraham is talking with God, he is hearing his promises and he offers God the truth of what is in his heart. His address to God says, "I know you are sovereign and I know you are powerful- but the truth is, I want a son and I don't have one and I just don't see how you are going to do what you said if I do have a son."

"God, I know you are holy, I know you are perfect- but God, I just don't know if you are ever going to help me figure out my life."

Then He (God) brought him outside and said, "Look now toward heaven, and count the stars if you are able to number them." And He said to him, "so shall your descendents be." (Genesis 15:5)

Now I could take this verse and claim it for my life and say that God is going to grant me with thousands of children, but frankly I don't want to do that, and seriously that's not the point. God draws Abraham's attention to His creation; to the world that He made and that He controls with His hand. Basically what God says to Abraham is, "Look at what I can do. Can I not give you a son, even after all this time?"

Now it's a cloudy night here in Oregon and I can't see too many stars. I can however, feel the cool night air on my face. I can here the many critters of the night providing nature's soundtrack. In the distance I can see the dark outline of the mountains that make me marvel during the day.

Look at what I can do. Can I not ______________, even after all this time?

And he believed in the Lord, and He (God) accounted it to him (Abram) for righteousness." (Genesis 15:6)

This verse is the gospel. Abram believed. God reconciled him. Abram was not saved by obedience or good works. He honestly came to God with his brokeness and he didn't understand everything and he didn't know how things were going to play out, but he trusted his God and believed what He said. Whether we meet God as a child or long, long after that, this is what matters. No amount of any goodness can reconcile us to our Heavenly Father. God's grace saved Abram because of his humble and honest faith.

Now I'm almost done, and I'm quite tired, but this is my favorite part.

And it came to pass, when the Sun went down and it was dark, that behold there appeared a smoking oven and a burning torch that passed between those pieces. (Genesis15:17)

In this day, to make a covenant, to make a solemn agreement, two people performed a ceremony called "passing through the pieces". An animal would be cut in two and put on either side of the path and this was a picture for each one entering the agreement. By walking through they were saying, " may I become like this if I do not keep my part of the deal." But in the story of Abraham we see something different. When it was time for both parties to walk through the pieces what we see instead is smoke and fire. Smoke and fire is always used in Scripture to signify the presence of God. God alone passed through the pieces; God alone took the responsibility for this covenant. By doing so He said: If I violate you, may I be ripped in two, and if you violate me, may I be ripped in two.

He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon him, and by His stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

Did God keep his end of the deal? Absolutely. He gave Abraham his son, and through that son He blessed and blesses every single person on the earth. How? Thousands of years down Abraham's line was born the one who could reconcile us back to God: His only Son Jesus. Do we keep up our end of the deal? No. Do we always trust God? No. But we are not called on to pay a debt. God allowed himself to be ripped apart; to have his son die on a cross; to pay the debt that we could not. To reconcile us and to fulfill his promise.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go or what purpose my life has. But I have a God who says He loves me and is committed to me and asks nothing from me but that I come to Him honest and that I trust Him to do the rest. I'm going to mess up again. I'm going to hear the voices in my head and start to panic. But when Christ took my sin on himself He bridged the gap and now I can sit on the couch and say, "daddy, I know you are good, but please just tell me something."

Tonight He reminded me of the only something that I need to remember.

I think I'll be able to sleep now.

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus and if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. (Galatians 3:26-29)