As is the case with most of my posts, I am talking primarily to Christians. Whether we act like it or not, as Christians we are claiming the character of Christ as the thing that we chase and the words of the Bible as the truth that we believe. That means that we believe that every human life deserves respect and has dignity and that we are no better that anyone else (Luke 6:31, Philippians 2:3, Matthew 5:44). It also means that we believe that every life is created uniquely and with a purpose (Psalm 139:13-14, Ephesians 2:10). These are things, obviously, that non-believers can agree with and many of them do; however we have a calling from our heavenly King to go into the world actively displaying these beliefs. Sometimes we do a really lousy job of that. There are many different subjects that I could focus on, but I am writing today about the perceptions and assumptions made about (and by) women.
For the most part, people know how to be polite and appropriate in public. Many times though, we reserve a certain type of humor for our home or times with our closest friends (OR social media). Sometimes, that is fine. Other times, it creates a problem that gets out of hand. Sweeping generalizations of an entire group of people can very covertly damage individuals-- not to mention, the whole stinking group.
Below are a few examples of actual posts that I have seen in the last few months on social media:
The general goal here is to make a few people laugh, get some likes, and if anyone complains just write it off as a joke. The problem is, a lot more is communicated by these "funny" quotes. For instance:
- When a married man says or posts something like this, I have to assume that he is unhappy. I mean, really. If a married man is posting or saying something like this he clearly didn't take Proverbs 21:9 seriously.
It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
I always feel strange when this person's wife is a friend of mine. I naturally must either be led to believe that this is an unreasonable man who doesn't treat my friend well... or this woman is a totally different person in her home than anywhere else. Either way, it's got me thinking things that really don't lead anywhere helpful or productive. It is very possible that neither is true, but then why post it? Why joke about it? I simply cannot understand a person who has promised to love and cherish and protect someone finding a "joke" like these appropriate. - When a married woman posts or says something like this, I feel sad. Sad for her husband, who seems to have married a "Proverbs 21 Woman", but also sad that she thinks these things are okay. She seems to think that it is perfectly normal and acceptable for her to demand to always be right and always be understood and to always get her way. She clearly must think all women are this way and so doesn't feel that she is hurting the reputation of the group as a whole. All of this makes me very sad. All these women can be diagnosed with what I like to call the "Everybody Loves Raymond" Condition. Too much exposure to sit-com relationships where the woman is always right and the man is always stupid and the woman gets to talk down to the man and the man must just agree with her has led far too many women in our society to think this is fine. How unhealthy. How destructive. (There is a reason this is not called "The Jim and Pam" Condition.)
- So often, we in the faith community talk about the need for more "godly men" or talk about how sad it is that there are so many absentee fathers or at least crappy boyfriends afraid of commitment. There are so very many causes for the hopeless cycle we are in, but doesn't it seem logical to say that "women/wives are painted in such a miserable light, who would actually want one?" As a single woman, I have to fight comments from friends, comments from acquaintances, and negative personal thoughts about my status. These issues however, are so much easier to overcome than the left and right bombardment single men get about the "ball and chain", about how women are always right, about how having a wife is the same thing to having a constant nagger, about how you can't ever have a coherent, understandable conversation with a woman (do I need to go on?). Seriously, when one of my Facebook friends posts something about how annoying women are all I see is the single dude who also sees it and says, "and this is why I don't date seriously." All over there are men who are not meeting the ever-lowering standards of today's women, and everyone who chooses to marginalize women in this way has at least a tiny portion of that problem to answer for.
I know that doing away with annoying, stupid Facebook posts is not going to solve the problems I've mentioned, but can we all just stop and think a bit before we say "women are all"..."men always"... "rich people don't"... "poor people should"... etc. Let's give every individual a chance to be their own person. We all have enough battles to fight without taking on an entire country's perception of one of our characteristics.
Thank you in advance.
