For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. (Romans 8:15-17)
For those who do not know, I have been in Australia for the past two weeks (and I am sorry for the delay in posting). I am staying with my lovely cousins and their four children for the next three months. The offer to come here and the decision to come and arriving here all happened so very quickly that I have spent the last three weeks in a violent whirlpool and I have only now gotten to a calm where I can find the words on my heart and in my head to write. I am still not sure if they will be clear and understandable, but I shall do my best.
One thing that I did not spend much time considering before jetting off to Australia was if I would miss my family or my home. This may seem odd, but understand that this is by no means my first time jumping on a plane alone and hoping for the best on the other side. Before coming here I had been in Roseburg, Oregon for three weeks, alone, and was just trying to make that work. Two years ago, shortly after turning 21, I packed all my belongings into two suitcases and moved to Chicago where, with the emotional support of a couple great friends and members of my extended family, I carved out a little life for myself for the time that I was there. Even before that I ventured to the Philippines to work at an orphanage for three months. So, it is evident, that I have had a little experience at going it alone. Well, alone to a certain extent.
I have been asked a time or two since arriving here if I miss my family or if I am going to get homesick. These questions don't have an obvious answer for me. I miss my family every day, but it isn't an ache that I can't endure. My whole life I have lived half a world away from the country I am now in, and all that time my mom's family was here and I missed them. I have often described my heart as a puzzle. When you go somewhere you haven't been for a long time and see people that you have been missing, it's like finding a piece of your heart that has been missing and feeling it click back into place again. It's wonderful; you feel complete! Until you realize that you had to leave another piece in the place you just left. At first you don't miss that piece too much, but over time the hole becomes more and more apparent and you once again feel incomplete. I think Heaven is what it feels like to have all of the pieces of you heart put back together. Forever.
I know there will be times that I miss my family more than others. My dad's birthday will happen while I am here. And then Thanksgiving, my very favorite holiday, will come and go without me for the first time. My first niece was born last April and as I see pictures and videos of her getting bigger and becoming a little child I will feel a twinge and long to hold her again. However, I don't see these things as hurdles I cannot overcome. There may be some sad days, a few tears, but overall, I know I can manage. I remember the one time that I really had deep aches of homesickness. I had been in the Philippines for only a couple of days. It was my youngest brother's 7th birthday, so I bought a phone card and called home. I had already hit a few walls and begun to wonder if I had gotten myself into something I wasn't prepared for. Well, when I heard my mom's voice on the other end of the phone, I had my answer. I immediately burst into tears and desperately tried to cover the phone so she couldn't hear. I finally pulled myself together and said hello after about 15 seconds, pretending that I had a bad connection. At that moment I realized that I had willingly gone out into the jungle in a third world country, choosing not to see my mom for three months, and I was not prepared. I didn't even speak to my little brother because I knew if I heard his voice I wouldn't make it through the day, not to mention the next twelve weeks. As time went on it got easier. I found things to fill up my days and knew that every moment brought me closer to being home again. It took a major attitude change on my part, however, to actually be able to enjoy the trip, and not just survive it. Through time and heartache and tears God showed me why He had brought me there (since it really WAS Him and not I who put me in that place). In one of my many tearful morning quiet times I looked out at the same majestic view I did every day, and with tears streaming down my face and Tenth Avenue North's "Beloved" playing in my ears, I realized my purpose in being there. Though I ached and felt broken and beat up, there was something within me that never felt more whole or more fulfilled than it did at that moment; because it was that very pain and that very homesickness that lead me everyday to that same spot to cry out to my Lord. Never before had I been more honest with Him. Never before did I spend more time with Him. It was in my pain that I truly got to know my Savior and so in it I found joy; I found peace. Still sobbing, I heard Paul's words from James ring in my ears: "Consider it joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials of many kinds; for you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance." I finally knew what that meant. I knew then and I believe it now that without the pain that caused me to cry out to God, I would not have been successful on that trip, and I would not have had the security to attempt any further adventures that came along. I am still so grateful for those dark days.
Now that experience began strengthening my relationship with Christ, and although there is nothing more important, the Bible is quite clear that we were never meant to live this life alone, and I know very, very well the need for physical and tangible love and support through difficulties. I am so blessed to come from a family that I know I can go to for love, support, affirmation, encouragement, and no fear of unkind judgement or negativity. I know that that is an increasingly rare gift and so I am even more thankful for them than I can say. There are some times when you just need your mom to be there and many days all I really want is my brothers and sisters and a Mystery Science Theatre 3000. When I encounter a theological discussion I so want my dad around so we can debrief and he can help me understand things I don't quite get. My family is my treasure. And yet, I have one thing that is even better than my earthly family: knowing that they are part of my eternal family as well. The freedom in knowing that this wonderful family unit that God has stitched together will actually get to be together in Heaven for eternity is inexpressible. In the last year I have had to become acquainted with losing family and friends to death and that produces a deep, scarring pain; but there is no balm sweeter than knowing I will see them again. It is losing a love than does not hold Christ in their heart that scares me so much more than death itself. Because of Christ though, and each of our own decisions to trust in Him, that I can rejoice in knowing that this life is not the end; this short time apart is nothing when the full picture is in view.
There is a wonderful hymn by Thomas Chisholm, Great Is Thy Faithfulness, that says of God's faithfulness to us:
"Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!"
Well, this is when I start feeling the ten thousand beside. On top of giving me a wonderful family and the assurance that they and I will one day sing His praises in glory together, He has chosen to give me something more. No matter where I am; whether down under or in the jungle or in the wild unknown of downtown Chicago, I have a family.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. (Ephesians 1: 3-6)
Every time I read this glorious sentence I feel like my soul will burst out of my body. How good is this! (Note: this is not going to be a discussion on predestination and election... another time, another place.) "Just as He chose US... that WE should be holy... predestined US to adoption as sons... He made US accepted in the Beloved!" I was not saved by grace through faith to then toil alone and keep my worries between me and God; I was adopted into a family of believers in Jesus Christ who have also felt the weight of their sin carried away by His saving grace. And this isn't just a family of white, middle-class Americans (thank the LORD!) Any human being on this crazy little planet that believes that they have a sin-sick soul and that Christ is their only way to redemption is brought into this large, forgiven, no doubt dysfunctional family. I never felt this more perfectly than earlier this year when I was given the immense privilege to travel to Nepal. I have been on several missions trips that all affected me, but none grabbed my heart quite like this one. Although I was far from my family and friends and without the majority of western comforts and believed necessities, I couldn't escape the feeling that I was home. I felt so completely at home. Why? I was with members of my eternal family who claimed Christ as the Lord of their life; people who loved me before they even knew me because they truly understood how God intended His church, His bride, to function. Also, we shared a desire to use our time on this earth to end the bondage of young girls sold into sex slavery. We shared a Savior and we shared a desire to make Him known; that is home for me. I remember my sweet roommate and I joking (kind of) about "misplacing" our passports so we would have to stay. I even dreaded returning to Chicago. I had (and still have) wonderful Christian friends in Chicago, including a group of girls that God allowed me to be a part of who blessed my soul every time we met. There was a genuine desire to know God more within our group and it was a blessing to journey with them. But the day to day life: my job, the people on the street, the friends who didn't care about God, the stresses of city life, the first world problems, those were the things I dreaded returning to. Every moment in Nepal felt useful. For that week we were a family that had eternity on our minds and we couldn't have been more ready to take on the forces of evil together. That may sound cheesy, but if so you need to get yourself out of America (or Australia) and find a place where you can work with fellow Christians on a cause that God has put on your heart. When you feel the Spirit of God moving over a land there is no mistaking it, and we felt in in Nepal. In our first world lives it is so very easy to put aside our eternal purposes and focus only on adding comfort and security to our temporary lives. If that is you, trust me, you don't know what you are missing. I know, because that is me too. More than anything I was afraid of returning to home and forgetting how I felt when I was working with my Nepali family. It's far too easy for us to cover up injustices, to steer away from deeper and more difficult topics and just stick to safe conversations; even with our Christian friends! We encounter fellow children of God constantly and yet we chose not to take advantage of the gift we have in them.
This is my last story (I promise). The other day while my cousins were out I accidentally broke something. It wasn't terribly drastic, however I knew it was meaningful to them and breaking something of someone else's is never good so, initially, I panicked. I worried how to tell them and if I had just done something that was beyond forgiveness (yes, I'm a a tad dramatic). Then, I just started reminding myself: my lovely, wonderful cousins who have welcomed me into their home and taken care of me are not only part of my earthly family, they're part of my eternal family, too. They claim Christ as their Saviour (I added the 'u' for them) and they have put their faith and their security in Him. They have received the same promises, the same commands, the same grace as I have. There is nothing more encouraging than knowing that someone you may be in conflict with loves Jesus. Now even we who love Him do not always act or react like we should, but still there is freedom in knowing that in the heart of every believer in Jesus Christ, His Spirit is there to guide and direct our ways. In Christ, we are free to love and trust our brothers and sisters because He has, and continues to change our hearts to be more like His.
In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. (John 14:2)
He is preparing a place for us. He is preparing a place for me; a place where my America-shaped puzzle piece and my Australia-shaped puzzle piece and my Philippines-shaped puzzle piece and all the other little pieces of my heart fit together perfectly and my eternal family and I will never again have to wonder where our home really is. Even when we find ourselves here on earth, in a community of believers, working together for a just cause, hoping to bring glory and honor to our heavenly Father, even then there is homesickness. Until we are in that place prepared for us, we are all homesick whether we acknowledge it or not. So while I may miss my family, while I may long for something American from time to time, I know that no earthly reunion will ever compare to having my family, my whole family, together in that place specially made for us by our creator who loves us, gave His son for us and adopted us as His children. Blessings all OURS with ten thousand beside.
